Friday, June 4, 2010

A Mad Tea-Party

A Mad Tea-Party

There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare (Haley Barber Gov MS) and the Hatter (Rand Paul) were having tea at it: a Dormouse (Bobby Jingel Gov LA) was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. 'Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' thought Alice (Sarah Palin); 'only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.'

The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it (talking politics and planning the next attack on Obama): '(Drill Baby Drill)!' they cried out when they saw Alice coming. '(No we need more than that)!' said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.

'(Well, perhaps we can turn this oil spill thing right around and blame the guy trying to fix it),' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.

Alice looked all round the table, but (could not see how this could really work to their favor). '(I don't see it working),' she remarked.

'(We yell "spill baby spill),' said the March Hare.

'(That won't work for me because of the Alaska spill),' said Alice angrily.

'(Perhaps you should then get your own Fox News show and talk about things you don't know about?),' said the March Hare.

'(I don't need my own show)' said Alice; '(I only want nice clothes and lots of money and I am now the highest paid political speaker right now at 110K a speech).'

'(What a gig, I've got to get in on this),' said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.

'(Only if you get be a big hypocrite like me),' Alice said with some severity; 'it's very (challenging).'

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he said was, 'Why is (Obama black like a negro)?'

'Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they've begun asking riddles. - I believe I can guess that,' she added aloud.

'Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said the March Hare.

'Exactly so,' said Alice.

'Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.

'I do,' Alice hastily replied; 'at least - at least I mean what I say - that's the same thing, you know.'

'Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. 'You might just as well say that "I see what I (want which is not government in our lives)" is the same thing as "(but I want them to bail us out when we get in trouble)"!'

'You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, 'that "(we don't need no regulations)" is the same thing as "(till there is some disaster in our State)"!'

'You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, 'that "(Tell the Fed guberment to stay out of my State)" is the same thing as "(But get here right away when all hell breaks loose)"!'

'(But how do we get more votes when the Democrats keep bailing out our asses),' said the Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she could remember about (lots of money and really nice clothes), which wasn't (always enough).

The Hatter was the first to break the silence. 'What day of the month is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.

Alice considered a little, and then said '(Five months until November).'

(So how do we change "drill baby drill" into Obama's "spill baby spill")

'(The voters are really stupid)' sighed the Hatter. '(We just need to make them stupider and stupider)' he added looking angrily at the March Hare.

'(Can we do it only with Fox News?),' the March Hare meekly replied.

'Yes, but (we will need to find some other non-issues and harp on gun rights and prayer in school again),' the Hatter grumbled: '(Scare tactics have worked so far).'

The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think of nothing better to say than his first remark, '(This Tea Party thing of our just might be the answer).'

Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. '(Yes, but let's wave the flag and make us look like super patriots coming to the rescue).

'(We tried this strategy under GWB and got only two wars and a great depression)' muttered the Hatter. 'Does your watch tell you what year it is?'

'Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: 'but that's because it stays the same year for such a long time together.' '(It is always 1890 the golden age of the Robber Barons)'.

'Which is just (as it always should be),' said the Hatter.

'The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose.

The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its eyes, 'Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.'

'Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.

'No, I give it up,' Alice replied: 'what's the answer?'

'I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.

'Nor I,' said the March Hare.

Alice sighed wearily. 'I think you might do something better with the time,' she said, 'than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.'

'If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, 'you wouldn't talk about wasting it. It's him.'

'I don't know what you mean,' said Alice.

'Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously. 'I dare say you never even spoke to (Obama and offered real solutions)!'

'Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: 'but I know I have to (offer advice) when I learn (how to think).'

The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with a little shriek, and went on: '(Drill baby Drill)'

'Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, 'I don't think (he knows how to play this political game)- '

'At any rate (I love the Tea Party money I am making)!' said Alice as she picked her way through the logic of being a part of this Tea Party nonsense. 'It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!'

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